June 19/05 Happy Father's Day! John made a craft for daddy...he painted a rock that says "Dads rock". He can write his name now in capital letters J O H N. I can't believe how big he's getting. He's much taller than kids twice his age..skinny tho. Round five of chemo was truly the hardest yet. It took six sticks to get the IV in that Dr. Mazurski finally had to find. I'm still extremely nauseous and so tired it's hard to even get out of bed. I didn't think it was possible to sleep this much. The weather has turned very hot and sticky. Today John is running around saying "It just not fair" from an Ants in the Pants video. He's a bit covered with fly bites from the church picnic he attended with gramma and papa. May 22/05 John's broken out in a mysterious rash. It started on Friday and I was very concerned it could be chicken pox so I took him to the ER. We saw Dr. Mazurski and John had a fit even though she was very very nice to him. She thought it was a viral rash and didn't have the appearance of the pox. He's not seeming that ill except for a cough and the itchies. Afterwards, John continues to say "No doctor today". That's his opinion of the health care system. He's quite funny sometimes, except the other day when he pushed play doh up his nose. I was on the phone with my nurse and turned my head for one second. Q-tips work to remove playdoh btw. He also placed all of his sponge alphabet letters under his bum and said "Alphabet poo". You just have to laugh sometimes. He's very interested in creeping bugs, however, tells me he is afraid of flies, "scared of flies mummy." May 14/05 Well, I'm half way through chemo. The last round was in the hospital for 5 days and I managed better with the nausea. I do have phlebitis in my arm now, however. John is liking daycare more and more. He says happy at daycare. He's starting to do some writing now and can make a ladder, zig-zags and a few capital letters. He's not peeing in the potty, however. He's had a virus or something lately and finally I took him to the doctor yesterday, so he's on antibiotics. He's been missing daddy lately because daddy has been working a lot. He likes Dave now at the airport and was playing ball with him yesterday. I hope he gets over the virus soon! We bought him a chalkboard easel and I can't wait to see if he likes it. He also loves playing with this little magnetic construction set. April 18/05 John has started at the daycare centre now! Friday he said ,"We like daycare". Our other sitter as fine, but she decided she needed more full time kids and John just wasn't doing it. He was having way too many time out's at her house anyways. Another approach is needed with him when he's doing that. He's seemed much more content now, but I think that is because he can play outside for a long time each day. He loves the sandbox and the big balls. My second round of chemo was on schedule and really tough for me. They just can't seem to get a good handle on my nausea, so I spent the first 4-5 days throwing up on and off. I just feel so useless. Hopefully I should be starting to feel more like myself in the next couple of days, only to hit my low counts next weekend. March 28/05 Well..week one of chemo is done. The actual administration was easy, but the nausea hit me hard. One of the missing links might be a steroid called decadron which I wasn't given due to my recent infections. I will likely get it the next cycle. I just feel plain old icky. The only thing I want to eat are potato chips! Nutritious breakfast! John loved Easter. He was very excited with the coloured easter eggs and loved looking at all the chocolate surprises. He nearly puked from eating too much chocolate though! He's getting so big! (30 pounds at the moment) Feb 27/05 Well, spent another week in the hospital..this time in solitary confinement. It seems my problems have not been a breast infection, but intestinal one..a nasty bug called c-difficile. Seems they've used far too many antiobiotics on me and it's made me more sick than ever. Hopefully this newest treatment will work this time. It becomes very very discouraging. We don't have any new pictures of John because he has decided he's afraid of cameras. Daddy thinks this started with a fridge magnet of a camera we have that makes a lot of noise and says "Smile". At Lhea's party 2 weeks ago, he had a big freak out about cameras and didn't want to pose - he didn't want anyone using cameras at all. This fear of cameras seemed to have started around Chrstmas time, but today he let Daddy take a couple pictures of him with Mommy. John's exerting his personality a lot lately. The other day I said, "Mommy said No!" He replied, "Mommy say yes!" He's growing like a weed lately and all of his clothes are getting too small. He needs mostly a size 3 now. He's going to be a tall kid! It really broke my heart in the hospital when I talked to him on the phone and he'd say "Miss you mommy." I still feel very guilty about being sick and not being able to completely be there for him. This is something I will have to continue to work through. We bought a new car. The Corolla needed too much (tranny) work and we wanted a reliable one. John calls it the beige car because the white one is "broken". I've vowed not to let him eat in this car and wreck the seat coverings. Jan.30/05 It keeps snowing and snowing here. The snow banks are so high it's almost impossible to see on-coming traffic anymore. I'm at home now, on sick leave, indefinately. I miss teaching and am quite honestly feeling very house-bound. I went and got an infection in this wound so the doctor had to open it up to drain it. I spent one week on horrible antibiotics that made me very very ill (fluey). John's been a pretty good boy lately. He's becoming more and more verbal. This week, he's taken some interest in Winnie the Pooh. He's enjoying the "Honey Tree" video, especially the bees. He's obsessed with them stinging and him crying. Last night, I made the mistake of putting adult bubble bath in his tub and he got soap in his eyes. He informed me it "sting like a bubble bee". He's starting to pretend more and more and yesterday he was even trying to groom his stuffed cats with our cat brush. He puts them inside the real cat carrier and carries them around. He still has an obsession with circles as well. He's making more progress in general with his behaviour, although at times he's still the typical two year old (NO!) He's very good on the computer with his Reader Rabbit Toddler program now. I think he's outgrown it concept-wise, although he hasn't mastered the mouse yet. He's been good when the nurses come to change my bandage and packing and says they're here for mom's BOP. I have a "good side" and a "boppy-side" according to John. I'm trying to get him ready for the chemo thing and me losing my hair. I really don't want to scare him. No new photos of John have have been posted lately, as Dad hasn't even picked up the camera in the last couple of weeks, but promises to start posting photos again soon. © 2005 Derek Kennedy

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